It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
