craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
