She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
