I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
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