Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I wish my penis had an off switch
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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