12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
