I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
