Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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