I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
