Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
