Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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