i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
now i know why i became what i already was.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
