there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
