Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
