I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
