: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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