Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
