I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
