Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
