We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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