MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
