New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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