i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
