i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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