...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
