well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
