I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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