Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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