i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
