she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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