Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
