Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
