I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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