omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
