you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
