They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
