Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
