yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
