the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
