Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
