Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
