Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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