When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
