I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
