I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
