News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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