We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
