So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
