the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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