Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
