oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
