k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
