Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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